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[19 Apr 2009|10:14pm] |
we make
marks on crumpled pieces of
ink spotted paper
let me rise with you
fall with you
lay with you
these dreams are meant to be created and broken
used and
worn thin
the birds chirp the
men fuck
and us ladies
well all just watch
welcome to this,
my destroyer
my pet
welcome to my
gloomy sunday
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[19 Apr 2009|12:24am] |
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I BOUGHT A MERMAID.
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[22 Aug 2008|01:20pm] |
2 new francesca books out
another on its way.
this fall might be heaven.
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| muse. |
[22 Aug 2008|12:55am] |
that blood moon rose tonight
aweing the earth with its
extraudinary enchantment
and thousands of years of passing devotion
we are only it's feeble hands weaving
our disabled life lines and harmonious journeys
of union and distraction
penetrating the mountains of
unforgivable histories with
electric memories and snapshots of youth
and this is how we make our
lovers yearn and vanish and create
with the seasons changing
the tides evolving
and that blood moon haunting
in this night's sky
welcome home.
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[20 Aug 2008|09:45am] |
trapt fingers and sleeping flowers sit
at the edge of soft comforting pillows
night skies etching their way into our memories
like fireflys and yellow daydreams
we can go back to this moment for the rest
of eternity
with hollowed tree trunk's ancient lullabyes and
sweet sunset willows
a first kiss would be like the stroke of daylight
entering through the rough tough branches
and scorching midnight dew
electricity growing between two bodies
with two pumping hearts gracefully dancing
in each others presence
we were made of this
and that
and a bit of everything else
so hop on and let your lips complete mine
i'll be waiting.
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[30 Jul 2008|11:08am] |
come with me come with me we'll travel to infinity.
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| JULIANNE! |
[20 May 2008|10:35am] |
YOU COME HOME TODAY!
and i know you don't know this but i've been counting down for this day to comeeeee.
i made friends with this really rad ass chick named laura. (she's from puerto rico so its "laaaaoooraaa")).
she has a studio apartment downtown that is TO DIE FOR where she makes art and sucks on helium, among other things.
i told her you were coming homes and what we normally do and she's gonna show us some places that we can get into :D
i'm pretty excited.
SO CALL ME WHEN YOU GET HOMES KTNX.
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[17 May 2008|04:55pm] |
my uncle passed away today. it was as though he fell asleep and never woke up.
the part that broke my heart though was not watching him flat line but watching his daughter, my little cousin, sob. she kept saying "just wait, just wait he'll wake back up i know it."
i keep recalling those words over and over and cry.
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[15 May 2008|09:57pm] |
when i was in 8th grade i had to watch my great grandmother die. she was in a hospice so it wasn't completely unexpected, but i was not aware that i was going to be with her when it happened. before that point i had never been fully aware of death i think. i had been to funeral services but it never effected me. it was like a cicada shell to me. THEY were not there-- the loved one or friend. i could FEEL that.
with my grandmother i actually felt her there one minute and the next she wasn't there anymore. her body was empty-- just the host of something else.
it did not really frighten me. i mean, i was sad. she was MY grandmother. the one that loved me the most. the one that FOUGHT for me. but i still had memories of her laughter and her piano playing. i knew she was safe. and i stayed strong for my grandmother (whom i live with now).
tomorrow my grandmother and i are heading for the hospital at 6 in the morning. when we get there we will chat with the doctors a bit, wait for my aunt, and then hold my uncles hand while they remove the resperator machine.
last night my uncle died. a very bad heart attack hit his already weak heart. more then a decade ago he was given a heart transplant. his new heart treated him well until recently after his kidneys failed and he lost both legs from diabetes. he died. and then they brought out the difibulators and brought him back. they had no do not recesitate papers in his file.
my grandmother went to visit him in the rehab facility he had been at today after lunch to find that he was not there. a young male nurse pulled her to the side and told her they had lost him the night before but brought him back. i can imagine my grandmother CRINGE at these words. she doesn't believe in bringing someone back after they have gone.
right now the only thing keeping him alive is the resperator. it is keeping him breathing, even with his unsteady blood pressure.
grandmother signed a DNR today. the only thing holding him back now is his will and the machine.
so tomorrow, i will walk into the white hallways of an all too familiar hospital with one intention and one intention only.
to hold my uncles hand while his body shuts down.
i'm not ready for it.
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[12 May 2008|10:38pm] |
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"lights in the sky" is my new favorite nin song.
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[14 Apr 2008|11:02am] |
it was here that i stumbled.
i crawled.
i provoked.
there was not always a day like this with the sun flicking through the window and the wind unsteady and brash.
he wiped his lips clean.
he cleansed his hand with some cheap anti-bacterial gunk.
and he walked away.
good thing we were all diseased.
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agent_spoon's journal
